Our Attic Squirrel Saga

Attic squirrels. First World problem for sure. Never a dull moment at Camp Morris. Like all good do-it-yourselfers, we thought this would be an easy problem to fix. Boy were we nuts. (hee hee)

Our quest to eliminate the attic squirrels has been eventful, to say the least. First, we had to sow the courage to actually go into the attic to do a little reconnaissance, to asses the situation. This was a difficult process, as our only attic entry is through our master bedroom closet ceiling, and there is no access ladder, and I was four months pregnant at the time, and husby is TERRIFIED of heights.

We made it into the attic with more than a little gymnastics, flashlights in hand, and little
nervous that we were going to run into something out of Stephen King's movie, Graveyard Shift. Or at least a cute little nest of baby squirrels.

Graveyard Shift is based on one of my favorite King short stories, "Night Shift",. Worth a read. Maybe not a movie watch, tho, lest you end up with nightmares about creature depicted above, or worse yet, your own attic squirrels.

We found nothing. We couldn't even find our new rodent houseguests' preferred method of entry into our snug little attic.  And ain't nobody in the Morris house getting up on the roof at this point to search for it from another angles.

Enter Exhibit A, our "Live Animal Cage Traps." We set two, waiting impatiently for a week, baiting each trap daily with Jif peanut butter- choosy moms, I know, I know.

Our squirrels proved very industrious, cleaning the traps of peanut butter but somehow not tripping the plate. Nuts. We were growing frustrated at our traps' ineffectivity, and a small caliber rifle as the final solution was looking better and better. We have understanding neighbors. Or at least we hoped.


But then we fell into a hot streak! Four squirrels captured in two weeks! The first three captives, aptly named Alpha, Beta, and Gamma, were safely released in an undisclosed, forested location. (Did you know its a misdemeanor, or something like it, to release a trapped woodland creature on public property? However you may trap and kill to your heart's content on your own property...)

"If you're having squirrel problems, I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems but a squirrel ain't one."

What became of Squirrel Delta, the fourth squirrel, you may ask? Let's just say there was a stretch of very cold nights, and Mr. Morris may have forgotten to check the traps while I was away for work, and Delta is resting in a better place in the Back 40 of Camp Morris.  That's all I have to say about that.

Weeks went by, and we enjoyed a peaceful stretch of attic silence.

Then we heard that familiar scratching once again.

Traps out. Peanut butter smeared.

Squirrel Epsilon ensnared just one day later.

It was a bright Sunday morning. We noticed the tripped trap, and shortly thereafter, increased squirrel presence on the patio. Epsilon had a buddy! (Zeta? My knowledge of the Greek alphabet is waining...) We both noticed that Epsi's buddy was very interested in his entrapped friend.

Mr. & Mrs. Morris Over Sunday coffee: "What if they are best squirrel friends?""What if they are a squirrel family?" "What if thats the squirrel mommy in the traps?" "Who will take care of the babies?" "I don't want the other squirrel to be sad!" "No orphan baby squirrels!"

Neither one of us could release Epsi into anywhere but right back into our backyard. Softies, that's us.

Talk to me in a few weeks when there is a nest of rodent babies in my attic. Time to call a roofer. Or whoever keeps those fluffy beasts out of my house!